Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
