after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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