she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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