Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
