Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
