I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
