He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
