3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
