Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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