well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
