the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
