he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
