I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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