it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
