I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
