So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
