I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
