I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
