It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
