i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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