You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize