I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
