My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we're so committed to being not committed
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