my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
