just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
