Having a random hookup so left but love u
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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