Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
