i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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