I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need help removing her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
