How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
