i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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