And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
