I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
