EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
