At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
