This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just high enough for therapy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
