I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
