Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
