i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
