You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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