she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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