She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
