He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
