i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
