I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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