And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
