Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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