3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
