3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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