the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Come on in and take your pants off
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