Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
