if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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