i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
