Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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