There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
